Monday, May 15, 2017

Reality writhes


You are the love of a million lives
but all of them wither away
and I really wish
I knew
how to stay alive 

but I end up alone
in this space you made for us

I just wanted to dance with you

You promised to be there
but something happened

Now watch 
as I become heavy again
You have to be careful 
with people
and which of their flames you are trying to put out
because you might end up quenching them 
all
and lose the person
that used to be 
yours

and I really wish I knew
how to stay
alive


Thursday, April 13, 2017

A time to be alive

There is nothing more honest
and raw
than young love
the way a mind desires
when it is
untamed
and unforgiving

there is no such thing
as
weariness
practicality
routine
to hinder your scale
you only keep what you want
and
you do not weigh


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Phantom

So I grow cold again
Because no matter how warm I was
I could never melt into your arms
Except for the times we would die
Into each other
The way we wanted to

Why did you come back?
Were you afraid,
that I would forget?
Afraid that if my memory of you
fades away,
you would cease to exist?
Or were you certain?
Certain that I would have changed.
That I would no longer be the girl you fell in love with...
Certain because you have changed.

What you used to find mediocre is now your reality.

Or did you come back thinking you could claim your soul back?

Do you exist in this space alone now?
In the space we created with so much effort?


Could I still be here?

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Abomination

I thought that I would be cold today, and that my dress was too short.
I wore a long jacket.
It's a shame that I bite my nails.
Thinking is half an action. Or a quarter of an action. Or maybe an inch of an action.
I don't know how long an action is, so I'm not sure if an inch is less than a quarter.
I guess it depends on the thought. The extent of the action. The extent of the consequences.
The consequences are everything. It's weird how everything is connected. How every little thing you do makes or alters events. Little events. How the road where you took a turn might have saved or killed someone.
To be obsessed about every little thing or reach a state of indiferrence, because, really, nothing is under your control.
What is the appropriate level of caring. Is it really care?
Why would you baptise your selfishness as care?
I want to be pure. I don't want to think about things I wouldn't do.
I don't want my actions to carry the burden of alteration, just because my insticts weren't appropriate.
Are my insticts really my insticts? Or just something I was taught?
Am I me or a product of reactivity?
Blabber, blabber, blabber.


Wednesday, January 18, 2017

The year of the radio: Billboard

The soil was soft
the flowers blossomed
the rain poured
it was spring in our hearts

we sang all night

"There's something above me,
a girl with one eye,
a stranger,
who's always 
in trouble
who touched my soul
ever so lightly"

It was our song;
it felt like forever
since the beginning
we had everything;
and that was all we ever wanted.



Saturday, January 14, 2017

The year of the radio: The charts

There's not much left to do
other than dissolve into trivial concepts
of
what ifs;


Nowadays I sleep with the lights on
I experience this loss;
I loved you terribly
and selfishly
As did you.


Now I am left bitter
by the end of our sea
and I really didn't know
that an ocean could be so small.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

It stops there


I love you, 
but I need to mourn
I need to mourn
a life that is not mine
I need to mourn
for I am blessed
but I cannot see;

the forests in my eyes
they are wild and growing
a huntsman lost himself in them
I have to find him
I have to get him out
You cannot help me
 
I love you 
but I need to mourn

but don't worry
I can make a promise

that one day

from that tallest tree
I will search beyond the sea
And I might find you
however far
you may be waiting
for me.

For now
I love you
but I need to mourn