Friday, December 16, 2011

Ignorance is [text missing]

                And I wonder how something so small can be killing me on the inside. Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s my devastated pride. I did mind though. I did mind that you didn’t call me for a week. I did mind that you didn’t give me an answer. I do mind that now you behave like a total jerk. I do mind that you crashed my enthusiasm so easily.
                And now I’m sitting here wondering…. WHY THE FUCK can no one understand that I was hurt?  I mean it was just a month, I didn’t want it to get serious, but still it didn’t end well. Do I have to run and shout “Hey, you know this damaged me a bit”? I don’t need the Hollywood crap, *mocking voice* “Oh, maybe he’s too selfish to admit that he liked you more, and you are selfish too, and no one makes a move, but one day things will fall into place and you will get married and have children, blah, blah, blah.” I don’t need this. I have a hyperactive, wishful imagination, and I don’t need to be thinking about stuff like that. And frankly even if he does still like me, I don’t want to know. Because it took effort, maybe not much but it took some, to stop liking him.
                And especially people I have talked to about him. Are you blind? Don’t you remember how happy and enthusiastic I was at the beginning? Don’t you notice how cool I was just as soon as all this ended? Did it really seem that normal to you? You think this change happened smoothly?
                Things are not going very well lately, and even if what happened was tiny, for me it was just one more thing going wrong. One more failure. And I don’t like failing.

PS : This blog is still not becoming what I want it to become. In fact it's going on the opposite direction. Never mind.

1 comment:

  1. I find sort of sad that when a friend talks to you all that reaches you is images from bad american movies and a monotonous "blah blah blah".
    pain is information. but then again is not the end of the world and the safe distance of silence and separate lives prevents failures from occuring.
    everything remains tidy, undisturbed, so in control and as you so wisely conclude ,Never mind.
    P.S. allow me to contribute a song from the soundtrack of the cheesy movie I am the star of.uninvited intruder to Mad World