Saturday, January 7, 2012

Feels like you lovE him more, than he loveD you.

      I still can't seem to understand if the latest decision I made was due to my self-destructive attitude, or my self-protective attitude which is close to zero, but I try to increase it.
      It's so sad knowing you're only one call away. But you seem happy, so I'm not having second thoughts about what I did. Or maybe it's your selfishness. Who knows.
      Whenever something ends, a part of me dies. No matter what it is. It happened in November, it's happening now. What's different, is how big this part is. Seems like I'm the only one who can revive it, but I can't find how. I'm killing myself on the inside, and I'm happy about it. And since you're not here anymore, it's much easier.
There is a part of me though, that wants to be saved, I think. The part that gave you the 1000th chance, which you threw away gladfully. Because you see, when this was the other way round, there wasn't one thing I wouldn't do. But still, we are not all the same, now, are we?
      So I sit here whining about it, not knowing if I would want it any other way. Correction. Not knowing if any other way would be good for me.
sadly, you wouldn't even lift your finger to find out for me. Sadly.

What a pity... 

1 comment:

  1. I have better idea. stop whining, let him know that you love him so much then love him even more and maybe you won t have to wallow in self-pity any longer. men are complicated creatures, even scary sometimes but so are we.a small dose of good faith between us goes a long way, give it a try (chance 1001 could be the lucky one)
    btw love the song