It's a pity.
Above all, it's a pity that everything I fix, I can destroy with equal ease.
Which means I'm practically useless. I just give hope, and then steal it back, like it's a precious possesion of mine.
It's been a week since I returned.
As I try to rehabilitate myself and gather my scattered thoughts, I find nothing but obstacles. Obstacles I put there myself. Myself.
Since recently I've been feeling like the whole world is my playground. And I'm the spoiled brat going around kicking the other kids into the sandpit. I pull the strings and when I don't want anyone around me I demand so. And when I'm ok, I give the sign for everyone to come back.
What I probably needed, was good slap, which I got twice the past four months. Which made me think, that I shouldn't be so selfish. I was so blinded by my ego, I hadn't even noticed I was that selfish. Ever since, I've been working on it. But still, when they give you the power it's hard to resist.
As I'm listening to placebo, and looking out the cloudy sky, it's becoming clearer to me that I don't want to face the world today .