Saturday, May 12, 2012

May 12th, 8.32

I crawl through life like an empty shell.
I do things just so I can buy a little more time. So she won’t point her finger at me and accuse me of being useless.
I try stuff just to “see how they are”. I try to love, I try to be in love, I try to care, and when I fail, I just smile and say “I’m sorry, I told you I’m not good at this”...  And I leave.
I use people with their own consent.
Pain is contagious. It’s like a little virus that sneaks inside of you when you are vulnerable. I’ve breathed pain into a lot of people. Without knowing it, without wanting it. I’ve dragged them into darkness and left them there.
Responsibilities make my life useful. People make my life interesting. They provide me with the drama I need.

Everything is fine. But not good. No. Things haven’t been good.
You see, there are some people that just aren’t meant to be here. The damned ones. Damned to live mediocrely, love mediocrely, dream mediocrely. These people don’t deserve to be here.

My biggest fear is that I’m empty. I don’t want to want to be alone. Please.

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