Thursday, April 18, 2013

Making it, faking it

Nobody makes it. It’s a fact.
You pity the girl that parties all night while you work 12 hours a day. Well she’s not gonna make it, but, neither are you.
“Making it” is not a part of human nature, because we simply don’t want to “make it” at one thing.
So you are not gonna make it and you will wish you partied a little more, and the girl won’t make it, and she will wish she went to university, but the fact is you both wouldn’t make it either way. There is never going to be that big moment in your life where you will be at the right place.
I always believed there was a better place for me. Not in a literal way.

Back in 1999 I thought that place would be when I’d get into high school.
I once had a fight with my mother, and told her that when I turned 16 I would be sleeping anytime I wanted. She said that would be fine with her.
When I turned 16 that still wasn’t the case.
I wasn’t at that place yet.
I believed I would be when I turned 18 though.
Then I waited until school ended.
Then I waited until I got into university.
Today I’m 20 (almost 21) and I’m still not in that place. I still remember every dreadful night I had to spend awake back in 1999. Now my want to stay awake, has transformed into a psychological and physical disability to fall asleep.
My all time fear that I was missing out the world every time I was forced to sleep, had integrated into my way of life.
And so I write these kinds of things.

But that all, is irrelevant. And of course sleep is a very small part of the “place” I wanted to be.
The thing is, nobody makes it. The “place” changes for most people, and for others it’s so farfetched that they give up and live with the illusion that it was the only thing they ever wanted.
Nobody makes it.