Thursday, December 25, 2014

Shatterday

We are suns
in a sky that we stole
in a city we scorched
Orbiting around the realities we killed

Forever at war.

And when we ignite
We that shone so bright
We will forever end our blight
Sink into our endless night
Never dropping out of sight
And for once it'll feel so right
Burning in our afterlight


Thursday, December 4, 2014

Meet & leave soon

Notations on the wall
notations on our papers
no more bridges to burn
no reigniting the candles
to light our path anymore
I'm the girl
in a Titanic that never sank
Our tree lit
with the fire we tried to put out
Life with you is an endless walk
in the desert
or the forest
I don't like the sea
But I could

Credits go to: http://kurobot.deviantart.com/art/Absinthe-359689774

P.S: We should get flashlights, I hear they're far more effective

Thursday, November 27, 2014

In order

I saw 53 suns rise. 
None of them as bright as you. 

In our game there are no rules.
Only mistakes.
My intentions fall on the ground 
and burn you,
when I only want them to soothe you.

Maybe someday we'll learn how to play
the game we have created.

I saw 53 suns set. 
They all came back.
You didn't.


Sunday, November 2, 2014

To lose is to find oblivion

I have to deal with the loss of you every day. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. Sometimes during my sleep too. Sometimes I don't remember. You're not dead so I guess it's not that bad. Or maybe it would've been better. But that's not a nice thought to have.

We are three minutes apart.
Just long enough for a song to finish.
Just long enough for the train to come.
Just long enough for you to fall in love with my nose.
Just long enough for the skies to turn into marmalade.
The train is here.
No more no less than three minutes.

I've always wondered...
Do we make good strangers?












So glad we've almost made it,
so sad we had to fade it

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Forever ago


I will let your demons dance inside of me, when you need them to leave.

I will hold your thoughts for you, when they lay in disarray.
I will learn to read your eyes and you will not need to speak anymore.
I will learn how to climb your walls, so I don't break them.
I will know when you are ready to break these walls, so we can do it together.
I will breath into you, the life you thought you could never have.
I will give, until I feel I cannot give anymore and I have to stop and tell you that you make me so weary at times. And then start all over again.
And you will, too.
And that is how we will grow, as we become one and two at the same time, shifting shapes as we please.



Thursday, September 11, 2014

I planned to do 3 steps today



I've been constantly scratching myself since yesterday.

I have this very real or very made up anxiety disorder.

There are 84 versions of me in my brain and they all shout, whine and run around all the time.


I don't believe in synchronicity. I don't believe in miracles. I don't believe in soulmates. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason.

I think the state of being in love is hormonal, and that we make our own fate.

If you look up there is a different perspective.
It doesn't matter how things end. What matters is whether they really end.

I don't hate you. 

But maybe I shouldn't love you anymore.





Sunday, September 7, 2014

Paris is on fire

Life goes on
and
what seems to have been killing you 
you seem to have gotten over it. 
And it all gets very weird. 
How time goes by.
People, 
places, 
feelings, 

little pieces of yourself. 


There is a safe distance between living and loving.


I feel like 

I've become more 
acquainted 
with
everything.



Thursday, September 4, 2014

We used to wait



Did you know?
Your mind knocks on my door. 

It wants us to play.
It tells me things.

Like

How do you feel?

We.

We used to write letters 
to drown them into the sea.

We left our love on a tree
because you wanted the world to see
what it can mean to be
you
me

Me.



Thursday, August 14, 2014

I am addicted to pain killers and lip balm

How do you call a love that is there no more?
I look at the lights of the funfair. They grow dimmer every year. 
I had a love that never bloomed, a love that I refused, a love that never was, a love that withered. 
There is this notion of "us" intertwined with my existence. 
You used to be the brightest color that dashed out of my prism.
Now I smashed that prism and kept the colors.

We are a reflection. A reflection of what we love, of who we love, of how we love.

What I need to say is I love you. I. love. you.
Was that my point? I'm not sure... 



I get so excited when I find pictures that perfectly match my texts.
Even though is small size it looks like it's dirty *sadsad face*

Credits go to: http://poppyhunter.deviantart.com/art/Ferris-wheel-Reflection-265906683

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Of choice, off choice.

Today I feel great sadness.
I feel the irresistible urge to sabotage myself. I can do nothing. I have the choice to do nothing.
I always struggled with the fact that I have no dream.
I have only recently realised that this is what gives me great freedom.
There is nothing in this world fundamentaly itertwined with my happiness. Nothing which if I do not do, I am bound to feel incomplete.

I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.

As I realise it though, I feel no need to judge. At least not that much.
Because I feel this kind of twisted inner peace. Where I am so confused and scared that my inner darkness is what makes me, and now it is being consumed by light. A part of it. Or maybe it is not light. I feel so handicapped by this fear that I can do anything. How do you control your freedom?
The fear becomes so big that dissolves into small fragments of calmness. I feel like I am the happiest and saddest person on earth.


And my readers might think I'm on drugs.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Have you noticed how our hands look like leaves?


Days form weeks.
Weeks form months.
I form little particles of distorted light and I try to share.
To fight the darkness. My darkness. Your darkness.
I'm listening to this song. I feel unlocked.
I close my eyes and I try to be you. Try to understand.
What is it that connects me to this world? To you? To myself.

That's the best part. When everything comes up to the surface, altogether. And you cannot think... no,no it doesn't feel like despair. 
It feels as if thoughts are escaping from you, so quickly you can't seem to catch them. And you feel like there is nothing burried in you anymore.

For a few seconds, I'm on top of my walls and I can see everything so clearly that, understanding it, seems unnatural.
That's the best part
.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

The elephants are pink and the world is hazy

What about the failures?
The ones that didn't make it.
The ones whose ambition got smashed under the weight of the world?

The question is how to kill.
Your anxiety, your fear, your time... yourself?


Everything is weird. So very weird. They way we made the world work.

Why can't you see it?
Why? It's right there.

Why can't see it?












P.S : I just realised that the title sounds like I'm on drugs.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Cling cling clong

       I start writing. I'm really psyched. Then I read it and "poof!"... all of a sudden it's not good enough. It's pretentious, it's been said before, noone wants to hear that, I sound like I'm trying to teach something, blah blah. I want to write something coooool. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
               

         I could say something motivational.Like...
       "You can let the world move and you can follow, or you can move and let the world follow "

       It's not true. You can choose whether things mean something or not, but it doesn't matter. Things are not gonna be alright in the end. The end is death. And as far as I know most people are not looking forward to that. I'm all about happiness. You can think in ways that make you happy but if that leads you to have a distorted perception of reality, it's a problem. You can't be really happy unless you accept how things are. No matter how strong the fort of your own world is, it will go down. And you will be miserable.
       This is choice. Living in this house, in this city, among these people. You can pack your stuff and go live on the top of a mountain, planting your own tomatoes. But you don't want that. You want your TV and your internet and your hair products.                   

       Everything is a choice.

       People suck. And next time you say it, please include yourself. You are one of them. You may be a little better but you still suck. And the moment you understand how bad you are, you can start trying. And you can be a little more forgiving, a little more understanding, a little less delusional and a little more happy.

Let's put a picture now, because then there is a higher chance someone will bump into this.

There you have it.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Netherlove

I wrote your name in the shadow of your songs.
It's not enough to feel the lack
of a ghost that lingered
where we used to be,
when the dream became a memory.

The only thing that's left is the space where I would be.
I can't dissolve.





Friday, January 10, 2014

Fasfad-ing

      You know when you can't express yourself and you just start typing random letters? A friend of mine always uses the a,s,d,f so it always looks like this "asdasfdsdfdfda". So I decided it to call that fasfad-ing. And that's what this text looks like to me.

                              The weirdest mood is the bittersweet one.

      When I have nothing to write about I start looking at all my drafts, desperately trying to collect something worthy. And I always wonder why, just why do I have so many word documents that are blank. Totally. Not even a word or a dot.

       I see everything in grey (that's cuz you're a bitch, ha ha, that exists somewhere and I suddenly feel less cool).
       Seriously, if I were an animal, I would be a unicorn.  I always think about these things like "I want to make the world a better place, I want to bring the best out of people bla bla bla". Problem is I started saying them out loud. Like... how do I expect not to sound like an idiot?


Now, how can I connect all these, to make this make sense. Make, make, make.

       I was sad, very sad for 17 years. And then a little less sad for the next 2 years. And that's an awfully long time to be sad. 19 years of my life. I had believed for a long time that it wasn't important. Because I was young, and my life hadn't started yet. Why do people make you believe that anyway?


And now I don't want to upload that. It's just my thoughts. It's not artistic, or dramatic, or whatever.