Saturday, June 14, 2014

Of choice, off choice.

Today I feel great sadness.
I feel the irresistible urge to sabotage myself. I can do nothing. I have the choice to do nothing.
I always struggled with the fact that I have no dream.
I have only recently realised that this is what gives me great freedom.
There is nothing in this world fundamentaly itertwined with my happiness. Nothing which if I do not do, I am bound to feel incomplete.

I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.

As I realise it though, I feel no need to judge. At least not that much.
Because I feel this kind of twisted inner peace. Where I am so confused and scared that my inner darkness is what makes me, and now it is being consumed by light. A part of it. Or maybe it is not light. I feel so handicapped by this fear that I can do anything. How do you control your freedom?
The fear becomes so big that dissolves into small fragments of calmness. I feel like I am the happiest and saddest person on earth.


And my readers might think I'm on drugs.

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