Outgrow

It resonates in my being
what I say
what they say
It keeps playing on repeat
I will never again walk hand in hand
with my depression
or my anxiety
I welcome them with flowers
and then show them the door
I don't like visitors
of any kind

I breathe when I am alone

when there are no eyes locked
on everything I do wrong

or opinions
to dictate what I should like

I am very confused
it's an early Monday morning
people still trying to shake off their weekend joy
covered in brand new week depression
I never understood why people hated Sundays.
I try not to define myself
through other people's opinions
somedays it seems impossible

More often than not
I feel irrelevant
in places I don't fit
I doubt that I am bigger than them
in the sense of being better than them
sometimes it's not as simple
as
Black and white
Big and small

Each day I wake up more alive
I don't even fit into my own skin anymore

I used to take pride
in my depression
thought it stood for
awareness
realism
I knew the world was bad
so I would be safe
leave before I'm left
hurt before they hurt me
always read the signs right

I remember crying
and yelling
I don't want to die
but I didn't know how to stop
digging the knife deeper

You are your worst abuser
No one else can take anything from you
Anything that matters at least
You are not glass
You are not broken
Fill in the missing pieces
With whatever makes your heart sing