Choose your happy place

That is not life

you think you have been touched
by this profound truth
permitting you
to judge those
who do not see this truth

but this is your truth

loathing is not living
and
"life does not make sense"
is not an alibi

because we are all handicapped by this
fear
that we will die
if we dare to live
but the truth is
we will die anyway
and cry anyway
and hurt all the way

you try to exonerate yourself
by distancing yourself
but
judgement
is a hollow shelter
which you may set out in front of you
but there is still a whole lot of world
behind you
and beside you

so
it is not life
when you think you are better
when you dwell in past decades
when you despise
but partake

I have been waiting
forever
for the answer to magically appear
under suicide notes
tangled in my hair spread out all over my cold floor
and in the dark corners of my room

there is no answer
so don't claim that you know
what it is
especially if it doesn't mean
laughter
love
and energy

I refuse to hear it
because my truth
makes me fill up
like a hot air balloon
and there's no reason to fall down
because I will never let my fire
go out

It is life
when you just are.